The Paper-Bag Man

Section 1: Ping Pong Inside McDonald’s

Dinello sat alone inside a McDonald’s, eating a box of fries.

With nothing better to do, he picked up a fry and let it hang from the corner of his mouth like a cigarette. His thoughts were still on Kyle, who had added him back on Messenger only to remove him again shortly afterward.

Then he noticed someone familiar several tables away.

Michael sat there with his golden-rimmed glasses, his briefcase resting beside his chair. On the chair next to him sat Luke, the little corgi.

Michael casually shared his meal with Luke, feeding him fries and chicken nuggets. Eventually, he pulled out a chocolate bar, ate half of it, then noticed Luke staring at the rest with his tail wagging.

Without hesitation, Michael pushed the remaining half into Luke’s mouth.

Luke happily swallowed it.

Michael gently patted him on the head.

“Oh, good boy, Luke. Look at you. You’re such a good boy now.”

Dinello returned to his fries.

Nearby, two men were arguing.

“Hey, stop it. I’m straight. I told you I can’t accept your love.”

The gay man suddenly became enraged and punched the straight man in the face.

BAM!

The straight man flew out of his chair, hit the floor, and slid across the smooth tiles until he stopped beside Michael.

Luke jumped in surprise. The corgi stared at the man for a second.

“Urk—”

Luke vomited onto the floor.

Michael looked at the vomit, then at Luke, then slowly down at the straight man. His expression darkened.

“How dare you scare my dog.”

BAM!

Michael kicked him across the restaurant.

The straight man slid over the tiles and headed directly toward Dinello’s table.

Dinello watched him approach with the fry still hanging from his mouth.

The man slowed. For a moment, it looked like he would stop just in time.

Almost.

His shoulder lightly bumped the table.

The table shook, and half of Dinello’s fries spilled out of the box.

Dinello stopped chewing. He looked at the fries, then looked down at the straight man.

BAM!

Dinello kicked him.

The straight man shot across the floor and finally stopped in the middle of the McDonald’s, completely unconscious.

Dinello stared at him.

“I hate people who interrupt me when I’m eating fries.”

Then he picked up another fry and continued eating.

Across the restaurant, the gay man looked at the unconscious straight man, then at Michael, then at Dinello.

Slowly, he sat back down and continued his meal as if nothing had happened.

Nobody touched him.

Section 2: The Man in a Paper Bag

Michael soon finished his meal, picked up his briefcase, took Luke by the leash, and walked out of the McDonald’s without looking back.

Luke followed behind him, still vomiting every few steps. By the time they reached the sidewalk, the little corgi had already passed out, but Michael didn’t notice. He simply continued walking, calmly dragging Luke behind him.

Back inside, Dinello continued eating what remained of his fries.

A few tables away, a beautiful young woman was sitting across from a strange-looking man. He wore a floral shirt, while a thick brown grocery bag covered his entire head, with two rough holes punched out for his eyes.

Dinello glanced at him. Even beneath the sleeves of the floral shirt, the man’s forearms stood out—unusually thick, muscular, and packed with power.

Then, without warning—

BAM!

The paper-bag man punched the woman square in the face. She flew out of her chair, hit the floor, and slid across the McDonald’s until she crashed into Dinello’s chair, rocking it backward.

Dinello looked down at the stunned woman beside his feet. He studied her face for a moment, and his expression immediately softened.

“Oh… what a beautiful flower.”

He crouched beside her, gently lifted her chin, and brushed a few strands of hair away from her face.

“What kind of bastard would do this to such a beautiful flower?”

The woman only stared at him, still trying to process everything that had happened.

“Don’t worry. I’ll teach him a lesson.”

Dinello gently stroked her hair and gave her a confident smile.

“When I beat the crap out of him and come back, shall we go on a date?”

Dinello stood up. By then, the paper-bag man had already left the McDonald’s and was some distance away, walking along the sidewalk.

Dinello immediately went after him. The entrance was several tables away. He looked at it, then at the glass wall directly in front of him.

In order to save a couple of seconds, he chose the shorter route.

BAM!

Dinello punched straight through the glass wall. A large section shattered outward as he charged through the opening, landed among the broken glass, and rushed after the paper-bag man.

“You! Hold it right there!”

The man stopped and slowly turned around.

“You don’t get to hurt a beautiful lady and then walk away like nothing happened.”

The paper-bag man said nothing. For several seconds, the two men simply stared at each other.

Dinello’s eyes narrowed.

Behind the two holes in the brown paper bag, another pair of eyes stared back.

At least, Dinello assumed they did.

Section 3: Too Many Paper Bags

For several seconds, Dinello and the paper-bag man stared at each other on the sidewalk.

Then the man suddenly turned and ran.

“Hey!”

Dinello immediately chased after him.

The paper-bag man was fast, but Dinello was faster. He accelerated down the sidewalk, weaving past pedestrians as the distance between them rapidly disappeared.

Forty kilometers per hour.

Sixty.

Within seconds, Dinello reached eighty kilometers per hour.

The paper-bag man glanced over his shoulder, saw Dinello closing in, and immediately turned into a building.

Dinello followed him through the entrance.

Then he stopped.

“Shit.”

Over a hundred people filled the room.

Every single one of them was wearing a floral shirt and a brown paper bag over their head, with two holes cut out for their eyes.

A banner stretched across the room:

PAPER-HEAD & FLORAL-SHIRT PARTY

Dinello quickly scanned the crowd from left to right.

Less than five seconds later, he gave up.

“It’s fine. I don’t really have to beat him up. Like, actually beat him up. I can just tell the girl that I beat the crap out of him.”

Dinello turned and was already running back toward McDonald’s as he muttered the last few words.

“Never keep a lady waiting too long for a date.”

A short while later, Dinello charged back through the broken glass wall he had created earlier.

The beautiful woman was gone.

Dinello looked around the McDonald’s for a moment, then sighed.

“Well, that’s her loss. She missed a great opportunity to go on a date with a great man. A great man like me.”

He shook his head.

“I feel sorry for her.”

With that, Dinello left the McDonald’s, bought some groceries from a nearby deli, and eventually wandered into Kissena Park.

Before long, he spotted someone ahead wearing a brown paper bag over their head.

Dinello’s eyes narrowed.

“There you are.”

BAM!

Without even asking, Dinello kicked the person from behind. The figure crashed onto the ground and slid nearly fifty meters across the path before finally coming to a stop.

Dinello caught up, grabbed the person by the blouse, and pulled the figure upright. A short skirt hung below the blouse, and one thin, soft arm dangled at the side.

Dinello paused. The man at McDonald’s had thick, muscular forearms.

“Wait… you don’t seem to be him.”

He ripped off the paper bag anyway.

It was a woman. Her face was bright red and swollen.

“Why are you walking around in broad daylight with a paper bag over your head?”

“Oh, I just had laser treatment. I’m not supposed to expose my face to sunlight.”

Dinello looked at her ugly face. He didn’t feel even slightly sorry for what he had just done.

BAM!

He punched her unconscious and continued walking deeper into Kissena Park.

“What a weirdo.”

Section 4: The Quiet Lakeside

Dinello wandered deeper into Kissena Park, eventually entering a quiet wooded area near the lake.

Then he saw someone sitting alone on a rock ahead.

Floral shirt. Brown paper bag. Thick, muscular forearms.

Dinello immediately recognized him.

“Oh, you again?”

He set his groceries down nearby.

“How dare you run away from me?”

WHOOSH!

Dinello burst forward. The grass beneath his feet kicked backward as his body became a blur, his fist shooting straight toward the man’s face.

SLAP!

The paper-bag man knocked his fist aside, and the two immediately began fighting at close range.

Dinello attacked at incredible speed, constantly shifting positions and striking from different angles. Yet no matter where the attacks came from, the paper-bag man calmly blocked them.

After nearly a hundred exchanges, Dinello realized they were about even.

But as the fight continued, something slowly began to change. Dinello found himself being pushed back more often.

Another exchange ended with him sliding several feet across the dirt.

“Shit… am I losing?”

For some reason, the man reminded him of someone from the Humble Organization.

Captain Lam — Michael.

Their physical strength felt similar. The raw power behind their attacks felt similar too.

But this couldn’t be Michael. Michael had already left McDonald’s dragging Luke behind him. This paper-bag man had still been inside the restaurant afterward, punching that woman across the floor.

The paper-bag man suddenly stepped forward and drove another punch toward Dinello.

Dinello caught it with one hand, and the man immediately grabbed his other hand. Their fingers locked as both men pushed against each other.

Dinello’s shoes immediately began sliding backward through the dirt. Worse, he was accelerating. He pushed harder, but it made no difference.

Clearly, he was being overpowered—and by a lot.

A thick tree stood directly behind him.

Dinello clenched his teeth. He knew he couldn’t overpower this guy, but at the very least, he wanted to get that paper bag off and see who the hell he was fighting.

He took a deep breath, concentrated his Qi, and puffed out his cheeks.

Then he blew.

WHOOOOOOSH!

A powerful blast of Qi erupted from Dinello’s mouth and struck the paper bag.

RRRIP!

The bag burst apart, scattering pieces of brown paper through the air.

Dinello finally saw the man’s face.

He stared at him in shock.

“Oh my God… you are…”

Section 5: A Great Man in Trauma

The paper-bag man continued pushing forward.

Dinello’s shoes slid faster and faster across the dirt until—

BAM!

His back slammed into the thick tree behind him.

CRACK!

The trunk split from the impact and tilted heavily to one side. Dinello dropped to one knee and spat out a mouthful of blood.

The paper-bag man immediately jumped backward, avoiding the spray before it could stain his floral shirt.

Dinello wiped the blood from his mouth and looked up at the man’s uncovered face.

“Oh my God… you are Professor Stiffen Hawking, known as PhD—the legendary dating guru who has slept with more than five hundred women!”

PhD looked at him curiously.

“Wait. I don’t seem to know you, but you know me?”

“Of course I know you. Who doesn’t know PhD?” Dinello remained on one knee as he continued. “You published all kinds of dating materials and helped countless single men. I’ve read a lot of your books too.”

PhD’s expression immediately brightened.

“Oh! So you’re a fan.”

“Not quite. But your work has research value. I don’t agree with everything you wrote, but I have to admit—you know women.”

PhD stared at him for a moment, then smiled.

“A fellow scholar.”

Dinello smiled back.

PhD reached out his hand. Dinello took it, and PhD pulled him back onto his feet.

Just like that, the fight was over.

Dinello looked at the legendary dating guru standing before him.

“But what the hell happened to you, PhD? You disappeared. Some people said you retired. Some said you moved overseas. I even heard a rumor that you got HIV.”

For several seconds, PhD said nothing. A light breeze passed through the trees and across the lake.

Finally, he spoke.

“Beast Marvel.”

PhD stared across the water.

“A couple of months ago, I had an unfortunate encounter with him, and it has been haunting me ever since.”

He took a quiet breath.

“Ever since that day, whenever I go on a date with a beautiful woman, something happens. I look at her, and everything seems normal at first. She’s beautiful. She’s smiling at me. Then her face changes.”

PhD slowly looked down at his fist.

“In my mind, I see Marvel. His face replaces hers. And before I even realize what I’m doing… I punch her.”

Dinello immediately remembered the beautiful woman flying across McDonald’s.

PhD sighed and looked out across the quiet lake.

“It keeps happening. Again and again. I can’t date women anymore.”

Dinello looked at PhD for a moment, then at the torn pieces of brown paper scattered across the ground. He remained silent.

PhD continued.

“That’s why I’ve been wearing a paper bag whenever I go outside. I don’t want my fans to recognize me.” He lowered his head slightly. “Look at me now. I can’t even go on a date with a woman without punching her in the face. I’m in no condition to teach anyone how to pick up women.”

Dinello walked over and firmly placed a hand on PhD’s shoulder.

“Hey, man. I understand you.”

His expression became more serious. “But there’s one thing I can tell you for sure. You are definitely a great man when it comes to women.”

Section 6: The Beast Everyone Fears

PhD looked at Dinello for a moment, then gave him a small nod.

“Thank you.”

He turned and began walking away.

Dinello watched him leave. Then his eyes fell on the groceries he had left beside the tree earlier, and he suddenly remembered something.

“Hey, Mr. Hawking! Hold on!”

PhD stopped and looked back.

“What is it?”

Dinello hurried over to the grocery bag and dumped everything onto the ground. He picked up the empty brown paper bag, held it in front of his face, and poked two holes through it with his fingers.

Poke. Poke.

Then he walked over and handed it to PhD.

“Use this.”

PhD looked at the bag.

Dinello continued, “You can’t just walk around showing your face like that. What if your fans recognize you? It would cause a huge commotion. Besides, I don’t think you’re mentally prepared to face them again yet.”

PhD stared at the paper bag for several seconds, then slowly accepted it.

“You’re right.”

He raised the bag and slowly pulled it over his head.

At that exact moment—

FLASH! FLASH!

Two bolts of lightning tore across the clear sky, followed by a deafening roar of thunder.

BOOM!

For a moment, the ground almost seemed to tremble.

A powerful wind swept through Kissena Park, shaking the trees and sending leaves into the air. Birds burst from the branches and flew away as a wave rose from the lake and crashed against the rocks along the shore.

The brown paper bag settled into place over PhD’s head.

Then, behind the two roughly punched eyeholes—

FLASH!

A bright gleam flashed across his eyes.

PhD turned around and slowly walked away like a normal middle-aged man. After only a few steps, he tripped over a small rock and nearly fell, but quickly regained his balance and kept walking as if nothing had happened. He continued down the path, eventually leaving Kissena Park and disappearing from Dinello’s sight.

Dinello remained where he was.

“Beast Marvel…”

He remembered Lawson, the fear on his face when he talked about Marvel in Beast Mode.

Another image flashed through Dinello’s mind.

Marvel stood outside McDonald’s in his Zhongshan suit, saying innocently, “I’m a good boy.”

Then came Dave, the former Underwear, and the trauma the Beast had left him with.

And now, PhD.

Dinello rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

“Hmm…”

He thought for a few more seconds, then shook his head.

“I still have no idea who this Beast Marvel fellow is.”

He shoved his hands into his pockets and started walking away.

“But I’d better be careful if I ever run into him.”