Kyle, The Fanatic

Section 1: Another Victory

After being defeated by the Humbleism Crusade, Robinson and his gang abandoned Queens Center Mall and retreated.

“Pastor Simon! Another victory! May God continue to bless our glorious Crusade!” Kyle shouted excitedly.

Simon smiled with satisfaction as he looked over his newly conquered territory.

The shopkeepers were initially relieved. Canelo had once charged ten percent in protection money, while Robinson had raised it to eighteen. Now that a religious organization had taken over, they expected a much lower fee—perhaps even lower than Canelo’s.

But their hopes were quickly shattered.

Kyle stepped forward and made the announcement.

“Brothers and sisters! By God’s grace, this mall has been liberated! From now on, twenty-five percent of your earnings shall go toward our holy mission!”

“WHAT?! TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT?!” a shopkeeper cried. “Even Robinson only charged eighteen!”

“Your contributions will help spread God’s glory throughout the world,” Kyle explained calmly.

“But that’s even worse than before!” the shopkeeper protested.

Kyle clasped his hands together in prayer and bowed his head slightly.

“Have faith, brother. God will reward your sacrifice.”

Section 2: The Holy Boot

Soon afterward, at ToiletView Mall, the Pineapple Gang had been beaten to a pulp by the Humbleism Crusade.

Their leader, Pineapple Head, was hiding behind a storefront with several of his senior gang members.

“Boss! It’s over! We don’t stand a chance! Why don’t we just surrender?” one of his men suggested.

Pineapple Head grabbed him by the collar.

“Surrender? Are you out of your mind?”

He pointed toward the shattered storefronts.

“If we were fighting Canelo or Robinson, they might treat us like dogs, but at least they’d spare our lives. We’d live to fight another day. But these lunatics? They’re completely insane! There’s no reasoning with them!”

Pineapple Head glanced nervously across the battlefield.

“They’ll rob you of everything, rape whoever they please, and smash whatever they can’t take! Trust me, you don’t want to know what happens if you fall into their hands. Compared to that, being treated like a dog would be a blessing!”

The gang members exchanged frightened glances.

“We can’t surrender! Split up and RUN!” Pineapple Head ordered.

Without another word, they scattered in different directions.

Pineapple Head sprinted toward the main entrance, desperately trying to escape. But as he approached the exit, he spotted Pastor Simon standing nearby with Kyle and several Humbleism followers.

Oh, shit!

Pineapple Head immediately tried to rush past them.

But Simon had already noticed him.

“For the glory of Humbleism! Evil shall never be allowed to escape! Only when the path of wickedness is locked can the gates of heaven be opened!”

Simon raised one arm toward the sky.

“KYLE! IN THE NAME OF HUMBLEISM! YOU SHALL BE THE HOLY BOOT!”

Kyle’s entire body suddenly went stiff. His eyes went dull and unfocused, and his expression became completely blank, as though someone had switched him off.

Without saying a word, Kyle launched himself from the side and wrapped both arms and legs tightly around one of Pineapple Head’s legs, locking himself in place like a wheel clamp.

“What the fuck?! LET GO OF ME!” Pineapple Head screamed.

He began punching Kyle repeatedly in the face, but Kyle refused to loosen his grip.

BAM! BAM! BAM!

Pineapple Head continued beating him furiously. Within seconds, Kyle’s face was swollen beyond recognition, with blood pouring from his nose and mouth.

Pastor Simon stroked his chin proudly as he watched.

Oh, yes. That loser Kyle… What a masterpiece I’ve created! A perfect holy tool, the kind that comes along once in a hundred years. Absolutely divine!

Yet Kyle showed no reaction. He continued clinging to Pineapple Head’s leg without the slightest change in expression.

Unable to shake him off, Pineapple Head was finally surrounded by the other Humbleism followers.

They rushed forward and subdued him.

“Please! Have mercy! I’ll do anything! Just don’t kill me!” Pineapple Head begged.

Pastor Simon approached him with a warm, gentle smile.

“Do not be afraid, my child. God is merciful. He forgives those who repent. Put your faith in Him, and He shall guide you toward salvation.”

Pineapple Head looked up at him, his eyes filled with tears.

“Thank you, Pastor! Thank you so much!”

Simon smiled and gently patted him on the shoulder.

“May God bless you, my child.”

The following day, Pastor Simon sold Pineapple Head to a scam compound in Myanmar.

Not long afterward, all of Pineapple Head’s organs had been harvested and sold on the black market.

Section 3: The Propaganda

The next day, another mall fell victim to the Humbleism Crusade—Roosevelt Mall.

Despite his badly swollen face, Kyle didn’t even stop to celebrate with the other followers. He went straight to filming a promotional video inside one of the mall’s small restaurants.

Kyle had arranged a perfect little scene in one corner of the restaurant. Two Humbleism followers played the restaurant owner and chef behind the counter, while several others sat at neatly arranged tables, pretending to be happy customers.

He positioned his camera so that only this cheerful little scene appeared in the frame.

“Thank God for the Humbleism Crusade! They’ve saved our restaurant!” the fake owner declared.

“God bless them! We’ve never felt safer!” one of the customers added.

Suddenly, the actor playing the chef interrupted the filming.

“Hey, Kyle! I’m supposed to be a chef, but I don’t have an apron!”

“No worries! Easy fix!” Kyle replied confidently.

He turned around.

Behind the camera, more than a dozen corpses were piled up like a small mountain. Several had already been stripped naked, their clothes now worn by the actors.

Kyle walked over to one of the bodies—a real chef who still had his apron on. He untied the apron from the dead man’s waist and tossed it to the actor.

“All right! Problem solved! Take two!”

After filming, Kyle handed the footage to the editing team.

“Brothers and sisters! Make sure every frame looks perfect! Remember, we’re doing God’s work!”

Section 4: The Deleted Footage

With filming done, Kyle headed toward the main entrance of Roosevelt Mall.

As he approached the exit, he noticed a man sitting on the ground, crying. His clothes had been torn apart, and he was clutching the remains of his shirt tightly over his chest, as if trying to cover himself. A security guard was standing beside him.

Kyle took out his camera and began recording.

“A Humbleism follower named Esther… She raped me! And she even…”

The man’s throat tightened. He tried to continue, but no words came out.

“Esther? You mean the winner of Humbleism’s annual beauty contest? THAT Esther?! Man, I wish she’d raped me too!” the security guard exclaimed, his eyes filled with envy.

The man continued sobbing.

“But I have a wife! I love her so much! How am I supposed to tell her what happened? My whole world has gone dark!”

Kyle’s grip tightened around his camera until its casing nearly cracked.

Damn it! I confessed my love to Esther the other day! She rejected me and even hired a few gangsters to beat me up! And now this guy?! Why him?!

Kyle looked down at the footage he had just recorded. If this video spread online, it might damage Humbleism’s reputation and hurt their holy mission.

He selected Delete.

A confirmation message appeared: Are you sure? This cannot be undone. YES / NO

Kyle pressed YES.

“Oops! My finger slipped!”

He stared at the screen for a moment.

“Perhaps this is God’s will. God must have wanted me to delete that footage by accident. Oh well, it can’t be helped.”

Kyle put away his camera and continued walking home.

Section 5: The Blessing

A few days later, Kyle’s promotional video went viral, receiving overwhelming praise across social media. Countless young people rushed to join Humbleism, and the Crusade’s ranks soon swelled into the thousands.

Most of them genuinely believed they had joined the forces of justice.

At the Humbleism church, Pastor Simon summoned Kyle.

“An army can conquer a mall, but propaganda can conquer the minds of thousands,” Simon declared proudly.

He turned to Kyle.

“Well done, Kyle. Through your camera, you’ve brought thousands of lost souls to God. Heaven has witnessed your devotion. Your name shall be remembered for generations.”

Kyle bowed his head, his eyes filling with tears.

“Thank you, Pastor Simon! All glory belongs to God!”

For years, Kyle had struggled with loneliness and depression. But Simon’s praise made him feel that he finally belonged somewhere. His depression even seemed to be improving, and he had begun taking less of his antidepressant medication.

That evening, Kyle walked home with a spring in his step. He felt alive again—full of energy, purpose, and a newfound strength he believed came straight from God.

Section 6: God’s Will

On his way home, Kyle ran into his old friend Dinello.

Dinello had originally wanted to ask why Kyle had unfriended him on Messenger twice. But now, he didn’t even bother. There were far more serious things on his mind.

“Kyle! What the hell are you doing with those Humbleism lunatics?! I’ve seen what your Crusade has done! Everywhere you go, there’s nothing but chaos, darkness, and fear! People are suffering, and you call that God’s work?!”

Kyle clasped his hands together in prayer.

“My naive friend. We humans can only see a tiny part of the world. But if you could see things through God’s eyes, everything might look different. God sees what we cannot, including all the suffering in this world. Everything is part of His divine plan.”

Dinello stared at him in disbelief.

“Jesus Christ, Kyle! You’re completely out of your fucking mind! You’re a fucking maniac!”

Kyle let out a little laugh and shook his head.

“My poor friend. You’re simply too ignorant to understand God’s wisdom.”

His expression turned cold.

“One day, God will damn you, my ignorant friend.”

Dinello clenched his fist, gathering a tremendous amount of Qi around it. He raised his fist toward Kyle’s face, stopping just inches away.

One punch could easily crush Kyle’s skull or knock him unconscious.

Yet Kyle stood perfectly still, staring straight into Dinello’s eyes. His gaze was filled with absolute conviction, without the slightest sign of fear.

Dinello stared back at him. Seeing such unwavering determination, he realized that neither words nor violence would change his old friend’s mind.

Slowly, Dinello lowered his fist.

“Fine. Do whatever you want. There’ll be a special place waiting for you at the insane asylum, Kyle.”

Without another word, Dinello turned and walked past him.

Kyle remained perfectly still, his eyes filled with the same fearless determination.

Then the view pulled back.

A huge wet stain covered the front of his pants, stretching all the way down to his knees. A small puddle had formed around his shoes.

Drip.

One last drop fell from his pant leg.

Kyle gritted his teeth, glaring at Dinello’s back, and muttered under his breath.

“One day, God will grant me His holy power! And when that day comes, I’ll smash that son of a bitch’s face in with a single punch!”

Section 7: Holy Shit Skewers

Still pissed off about his encounter with Dinello, Kyle continued walking home, imagining God granting him divine power. In his mind, he’d already killed Dinello more than two hundred times.

Then something along the sidewalk caught his attention.

HOLY SHIT SKEWERS — BLESSED BY GOD!

Curious, Kyle approached the stall. On the grill were several wooden skewers, each holding three small brown lumps.

Kyle examined the skewers closely and gave them a sniff.

“Hmm… They look a little bit crappy. And they smell a little bit crappy, too.”

The vendor smiled proudly.

“Oh, you’re absolutely correct, my fellow worshipper! They are indeed crap—freshly harvested just today!”

Kyle stared at him in disbelief.

The vendor continued enthusiastically.

“But they’re not just regular shit, brother. They’re HOLY shit! A sacred gift from God! I’ve already eaten a few pieces myself. It’s absolutely safe!”

Kyle hesitated.

The vendor clasped his hands together in prayer.

“My brother, true faith means obedience, even when you don’t understand God’s plan. Do you dare question the wisdom of the Almighty?”

Kyle froze. Hadn’t he just explained the same thing to Dinello?

Perhaps God had sent this man to test his faith.

“You’re right, brother. Forgive my ignorance. I’ll take one.”

The vendor happily handed him a skewer.

Kyle stared at the three brown lumps for several seconds before taking a bite.

His face twisted in disgust. He nearly gagged, but forced himself to keep chewing.

He clenched his free hand into a tight fist, his entire body trembling as he struggled not to throw up.

Then, with his mouth still full of shit, he declared dramatically,

“The Lord has placed this trial before me! I shall not falter!”

With trembling hands, Kyle ate the remaining two lumps.

The vendor raised his arms toward heaven.

“HALLELUJAH! GOD BLESS YOU, BROTHER!”

Kyle nodded weakly and continued walking home.

That night, he began suffering from severe diarrhea.

Again and again, he rushed to the bathroom, barely making it back to bed before his stomach started rumbling once more.

His faith remained unshaken, but his stomach was another matter.