Celebration at SkyView Mall

Section 1: The Manhood Crisis

On the fifth-floor walkway of SkyView Mall, a man with deep wrinkles and a worn-out railroad worker’s uniform was kneeling before his girlfriend. Beyond the railing, the open atrium overlooked the food court far below.

“Baby, please! Don’t leave me!”

“Get your hands off me, Lawson! You tested positive for HJV! You’ve been cheating on me!”

“No! I swear to God! I didn’t do anything!”

“Then how the hell did you catch this… this STD?! I sure as hell don’t have HJV!”

Just then, a short, pale-skinned man in an oversized white doctor’s coat walked by.

“Hey, Lawson! Long time no see!”

It was Mildy, the unlicensed doctor. He pointed at Lawson’s girlfriend.

“Hey, wait a second! Is this that DTO girl you told me about? The one you met online?”

With that single question, Mildy dealt the final blow to their relationship.

Lawson opened his mouth, but no words came out. He knew there was nothing he could say to save their relationship. It was over. His girlfriend slapped his hand away.

“You lying bastard! You make me sick!”

She stormed off, leaving Lawson kneeling on the floor.

Mildy casually patted his shoulder.

“Ah, forget about her, buddy. Girls come and go. No big deal.”

Lawson looked up at him in desperation.

“Are you kidding me?! I’ve got HJV! What the hell am I supposed to do?! I don’t wanna turn into a woman! I still wanna fuck as many girls as I can!”

“Whoa, whoa! Relax, man! You’ve still got a seventy-five percent chance of staying a guy, even with HJV.”

“Wait, seriously?!”

“Hell yeah! Look, see that DVD store over there? Go grab yourself a few porn DVDs, head home, kick back, and keep those testosterone levels sky-high. Trust me, you’ll be fine!”

Mildy delivered his advice with absolute confidence, despite having made the whole thing up.

Lawson’s eyes lit up.

“Oh my God! You’re a lifesaver, buddy! Thank you so much!”

He jumped to his feet and hurried toward the DVD store.

Mildy called after him.

“Hey! Look on the bright side! Even if the worst happens, you can still fuck as many guys as you want!”

Without looking back, Lawson immediately quickened his pace and disappeared into the DVD store.

Section 2: The Fatal Attraction

Mildy continued along the fifth-floor walkway when he spotted a beautiful woman leaning against a wall, smoking a cigarette.

She smiled and waved him over.

“Hey, handsome. Wanna have some fun with me in the restroom? I promise you’ll never forget it.”

Mildy grinned. “I don’t see why not.”

She took his hand and led him toward the restroom.

Suddenly—

SWISH!

Her head flew off her shoulders.

“WHAT THE JUICE?!”

Mildy stumbled backward.

Behind the headless body stood Linda, her long hair falling over an unbuttoned floral shirt and matching floral bra.

“Holy shit! Linda?! The legendary prostitute?! The number-one prostitute in Flushing City?!”

Mildy pointed at the body.

“Wait a minute! What the hell did you do that for?!”

“That was a DTO.” Linda looked him up and down. “Come on, shorty! You’re not even 150 centimeters tall, and you’re definitely not the handsome type! If a hot chick offers you sex out of nowhere, she’s gotta be a DTO. No doubt about it.”

Mildy scratched his head.

“Damn… You got a point. Thanks for saving my manhood! But wait, shouldn’t you be working at the Forbidden Garden?”

“The government shut us down a month ago because of HJV. I’m just here to buy some clothes.”

Linda turned away.

“Now get lost, you little dwarf.”

Without another word, she continued down the walkway.

Section 3: Love at First Kick

Linda continued walking along the fifth-floor walkway of SkyView Mall when she noticed a man cornering a young woman against the wall, both hands blocking her escape.

“Come on, pretty girl! I just want one hot, passionate French kiss! I’ve never had one in my whole life! Just one! Please!”

“Get away from me, you creep!” the woman screamed.

Linda glanced at them without much interest and kept walking.

Suddenly, a figure flew in from the side and delivered a powerful flying kick straight into the man’s chest.

BAAAAAAM!!!

The man flew over the fifth-floor railing, fell all the way to the ground floor, and died on impact.

It was Dinello!

He wore a Zhongshan suit with every button undone, exposing his muscular chest and well-defined abs.

Dinello landed with his back facing the woman. Without turning around, he stood there silently, looking incredibly cool.

“Oh my God! Thank you so much!” the woman cried.

Dinello said nothing.

After thanking him again, the woman walked away, having never seen his face.

Dinello waited until she was far enough away.

Alright! Cool act complete. Now, time to get her WeChat!

But just as he was about to chase after her, someone grabbed him by the back of his collar.

“Hey, horny boy!”

“Get off me! I’m busy! I gotta get that girl’s WeChat!”

Dinello spun around and threw a punch at whoever was holding him.

But the moment he saw Linda’s face, his fist froze in midair.

“B-Big Sis?!”

“There’s a pandemic going on, you idiot! Forget about dating! You’re coming shopping with me!”

“But—”

Linda immediately dragged him along by his collar.

“No buts! I’m not letting my horny little brother turn into a girl! You’re coming with me, whether you like it or not!”

Dinello let out a long sigh.

“Ugh… Fine! Just let go of my damn collar! I can walk by myself!”

Linda finally released him.

The two continued walking toward the other end of the mall’s walkway.

Section 4: The Tournament Poster

Linda and Dinello continued along the fifth-floor walkway when they noticed a wall covered with wanted posters featuring a square-faced man.

WANTED
NAME: YANGTZE RIVER
DEAD OR ALIVE
REWARD: $1,000

“Whoa, Sis! Check this out! A thousand bucks for catching this guy!” Dinello pointed at the posters.

Linda barely glanced at them.

“A thousand bucks? Please. I can make that in an hour with one client. Why would I waste my time chasing some criminal?”

They kept walking until a large, colorful poster caught their attention.

SKYVIEW MALL
10TH ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION!
TWO-PERSON DART TOURNAMENT
GRAND PRIZE: $8,000!

Dinello read the rules aloud.

“Check this out! One person balances an apple on their head while the other throws darts. They’re judging both accuracy and style!”

Linda’s eyes lit up.

“Eight grand? Now we’re talking!”

“Hell yeah! Sounds like a blast!” Dinello grinned.

“Come on! We’re signing up!”

The two headed straight toward the tournament area.

Section 5: The Deadly Darts

The dart tournament was already underway at SkyView Mall. A large crowd had gathered around the stage, cheering as the contestants prepared to show off their skills.

The first team was Robinson and one of his gangster lackeys.

Robinson’s injured left arm was wrapped in bandages and supported by a white cloth sling around his neck. His lackey stood against a wooden wall with an apple balanced on his head, trembling uncontrollably.

“Boss, please. Just be careful with that dart, alright?” the lackey begged.

“Relax. I’m a high-ranking gangster. You think I can’t handle a damn dart?”

The lackey swallowed hard. A warm stream of urine ran down his pants.

Robinson wasn’t particularly good at throwing darts, so he carefully lined up his shot. He steadied his right hand, took a deep breath, and threw.

SWISH!

The dart struck the apple, knocking it off the lackey’s head and pinning it to the wooden wall behind him.

The crowd burst into applause.

The lackey immediately dropped to his knees.

“Oh, thank God. I’m still alive.”

Next came Canelo and another gangster lackey.

Having just watched Robinson’s successful throw, Canelo’s lackey stood confidently with an apple on his head.

“Lord Canelo, I trust you. I know you won’t let me down.”

Canelo grinned.

“Yo, that’s my boy! Watch this shit!”

He grabbed a dart and threw it with all his might.

THWACK!

The dart missed the apple completely and buried itself in the lackey’s forehead. The man dropped dead on the spot.

Canelo stared at him.

“Yo… shit. My bad, bro.”

Two event staff members arrived with a stretcher, lifted the body onto it, covered him with a white sheet, and carried him away.

Next came the third team.

Grayson walked onto the stage, followed by three police officers.

“Chief, please. Don’t make me do this,” one of them pleaded.

The other two officers dragged him toward the wooden wall, forced him against a pole, and handcuffed his hands behind it.

“Come on, Chief. I’m begging you.”

Grayson ignored him and placed an apple on his head.

He stepped back, raised his dart, and took aim.

“Oh, yeah. Bullseye.”

WHOOSH!

The dart missed both the apple and the police officer by a ridiculous distance, flew into the crowd, and struck an innocent spectator straight in the heart. The man collapsed and died instantly.

Grayson scratched his head.

“Oops. Finger slipped.”

The handcuffed officer slowly slid down against the pole, sank to his knees, and sat back on his heels.

“Oh, thank God…”

Two event staff members arrived with another stretcher, covered the dead spectator with a white sheet, and carried him away.

The two spectators standing on either side simply stepped closer together, filling the empty space he had left behind.

Linda watched all three performances with little interest.

“Oh, they sucked.”

Section 6: The Dart Gurus

The next team was Michael and Brian from the Humble Organization.

Michael calmly stood against the wooden wall with an apple balanced on his head. He held his briefcase in one hand, keeping the other tucked into his pocket. Behind his golden-framed glasses, his expression was completely relaxed.

Suddenly, Brian’s Golden Eyes flashed!

In one swift motion, he threw two darts at the same time.

SWISH! SWISH!

Both darts struck the apple simultaneously, knocking it off Michael’s head and pinning it to the wooden wall behind him.

The crowd erupted in applause.

Linda watched from the audience.

“That’s Captain Lam for you. Even if Brian had missed and hit him, those darts would’ve bounced right off his muscles.”

Next came Linda from the Frugal Organization and her younger brother, Dinello.

The moment Linda stepped onto the stage, several spectators recognized her.

“Holy shit! That’s Linda! The number-one prostitute in Flushing City!”

“No way! It really is her!”

“Linda! I love you! I wanna fuck you!”

Linda smiled and waved at the crowd.

“Thanks, guys! Once this pandemic’s over, come on down to the Forbidden Garden! You’re all welcome to fuck me!”

Dinello immediately pressed a hand against his forehead.

“Oh, man. Unbelievable.”

Michael, watching from the side, nodded approvingly.

“Now that’s what I call professionalism.”

The crowd cheered.

Dinello stood against the wooden board with an apple balanced on his head, casually whistling a cheerful tune as if he didn’t have a care in the world.

Linda picked up a dart and held it in her palm.

CRUNCH!

She crushed it into pieces with her bare hand.

The referee stared at her.

“Hold on! You just crushed your dart! What are you gonna throw now?”

Linda glanced at Michael as she casually raised one finger.

“Darts are for losers.”

She lightly flicked her fingernail through the air. In an instant, a razor-sharp gust burst from her nail like a flying blade.

SLICE!

The apple on Dinello’s head split neatly into two halves and dropped to either side of him. The same invisible blade continued forward, slicing straight through the wooden board behind him and splitting it in two.

Dinello stood there without a scratch.

The crowd went wild.

The referee scratched his head. He couldn’t decide which performance deserved the championship.

“Two darts hitting the same apple… versus someone slicing it in half without even throwing one? How the hell am I supposed to pick a winner?”

The audience immediately began arguing.

“It’s gotta be the Humble Organization!”

“Are you kidding me? Frugal Organization all the way!”

The shouting grew louder as the referee struggled to make a decision.

Section 7: The Holy Dartboard

Just as the referee struggled to make a decision, the final team stepped onto the stage.

It was Pastor Simon and Kyle.

Simon wore his usual white shirt, black slacks, and large-framed glasses. His massive C-cup pecs bulged beneath his shirt.

Kyle walked over to the wooden board Linda had just split in half and stood perfectly still.

Simon raised one hand and spoke solemnly.

“Kyle! In the sacred name of Humbleism, you shall become the Holy Dartboard!”

Kyle immediately straightened his back.

“Yes, Pastor! It would be my greatest honor!”

His entire body went rigid, and his pupils lost focus, as if he had entered some kind of trance.

Without hesitation, he picked up an apple and held it firmly between his teeth.

The audience gasped.

“Holy shit! He’s putting it in his mouth?! Not on his head?!”

“Is he out of his mind?! What if a dart goes straight down his throat?!”

Simon nodded approvingly.

“Good, my beloved masterpiece.”

He picked up five darts and held them between his fingers. Then he closed his eyes.

The spectators stared in disbelief.

“Wait a minute! He’s closing his eyes?!”

“Jesus Christ! That skinny little guy’s as good as dead!”

With a gentle flick of his wrist, Simon sent all five darts flying into the air.

SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH!

The five darts curved through the air in a perfect S-shaped formation before diving toward Kyle’s face.

THUCK! THUCK! THUCK! THUCK! THUCK!

All five darts struck the apple in Kyle’s mouth with flawless precision. Each dart sank just deep enough to stay in place without piercing through the fruit.

Kyle remained completely unharmed.

The crowd erupted in thunderous applause.

The referee stared at the five darts sticking out of the apple. There was no longer any doubt.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve got ourselves a champion!”

“PASTOR SIMON!”

Simon stepped forward and proudly raised the championship trophy above his head.

Below him, Kyle applauded enthusiastically, still holding the apple with five darts sticking out of it between his teeth.

Linda stood with her arms crossed, watching Simon raise the trophy. She gave a slight nod, acknowledging his impressive performance.

“What a bummer.”

Dinello frowned.

“Damn that… that Pastor Semen! His throwing power’s as ridiculous as ever!”

Section 8: The Champion’s Speech

Pastor Simon stood proudly on the stage, holding his championship trophy as he began his victory speech.

“First and foremost, I’d like to thank the Humble Organization and every devoted follower of Humbleism! Without you, none of this would’ve been possible!”

He raised the trophy.

“I’ll be putting this entire eight-thousand-dollar prize toward a special event for our Humbleism church! And if you haven’t joined us yet, now’s your chance! New members will have the opportunity to share in some wonderful rewards!”

Simon continued enthusiastically, explaining the countless benefits of Humbleism, the greatness of the Humble Organization, and the wonderful future awaiting anyone who joined his church.

And he kept going.

And going.

Dinello rolled his eyes.

“Ugh, Pastor Semen’s spewing his usual bullshit again. I’m bored.”

Linda sighed.

“Yeah, let’s get the hell out of here. I’m starving. Let’s grab a bite at the food court.”

The two turned and headed toward the exit of the tournament area.

Behind them, Simon was still preaching into the microphone.

“And remember, ladies and gentlemen! Humbleism is your path to a brighter—”

Just as Linda reached the exit, she glanced over her shoulder and lightly flicked her fingernail.

SLASH!

A razor-sharp gust sliced through the microphone, shattering it into pieces.

Simon’s voice was cut off instantly.

Without looking back, Linda and Dinello continued toward the food court.